#safe to say as someone who spent most of my childhood with a 'friend' like jimmy i have Thoughts about curly

[droppedpears]

Back then space seemed endless. Now it's empty.

a sort of companion piece to my anya one; i just think they share more parallels than people realize

[swearimnevergivingup]

BLOOMING - suguru x reader

synopsis: had your eyes always shone that bright when you smiled? that tingling feeling in his chest; the urge to envelop you and keep you safe like an overzealous guard dog - had it always been there? or had it crept in gradually - born from too many sleepovers tangled in the same blankets, of sticky fingers and bruised knees at the playground, of countless evenings spent at your family’s house, feeling like he belonged there as much as you did? (700 words, sfw)

a/n: both of them are around 14-16 here. let’s not think too hard about the age rn afshsjahd it’s just a lighthearted fluffy bit about childhood friends to lovers <3 tbh i have a lot more of where this came from in my drafts but i’m quite undecided if i should continue with this

suguru could still vividly recall the first time he felt that uncharted emotion creeping in, something that took him by surprise and unsettled him in a way he couldn’t fully understand. it was a warm summer day, and you had shown up at the gojo residence for one of satoru’s needlessly extravagant parties. you were wearing a light floral dress, the kind that swayed playfully just above your knees when you walked, and your hair was neatly braided into twin french braids. the oppressive heat had flushed your cheeks a soft pink, matching the subtle tint on your lips. 

he hadn’t thought much of it at first—until satoru leaned over, casually draping an arm around his shoulder, and whispered with a smirk, “dude, she’s hot.”

suguru stiffened. he almost choked on the pizza he had half-stuffed in his mouth. hot? he’d heard satoru throw that word around a million times - most recently when he showed off his lock screen wallpaper of that gravure model, waka inoue - but never had it applied to you. not you.

not the girl he’d grown up with, who used to shove bugs in his face for fun, who got her first period on his bed and stained his freshly washed sheets in the process, who always snorted like a little pig when laughing too hard. he still vividly remembers your mortified face as you clutched his sheets and refused to stand up - your face burning a deep red. 

hot?? it seemed that not that long ago, that thought alone would have been absolutely laughable. tell that to 8 year old suguru and he would have keeled over, clutching his stomach in a fit of giggles.

but now, 6 years later, that word seemed to make his stomach twist and his throat tighten. he realises it wasn’t the word itself that stirred discomfort - no, it was hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth. it felt like a rude intrusion. almost like… disrespect? it rang in his ears like an unspoken boundary crossed, its presence foreign and uneasy.

so suguru bristled, his jaw tightening involuntarily. “her? c’mon, dude. no way,” he snapped, his voice way sharper than he intended. 

he took a quick glance over at you, unconsciously scowling at the thought of you trying to impress someone here.

a certain sense of sharp, selfish possessiveness seized him. no one should be looking at you like that. he hated the very thought. 

except… maybe him. 

a dark thought invaded him, one that made his stomach twist. he had never viewed his best friend as competition, but when it came down to it… satoru was definitely more of your type, wasn’t he? bright, energetic, and effortlessly charming in ways suguru was probably not, and a big fat flirt, too. satoru was the heir to the gojo conglomerate, and suguru had two divorced parents who couldn’t even agree on what to eat for lunch.

(he wasn’t exactly sure how that last one mattered, but he was sure it did).

“i'm just saying!” satoru had continued, oblivious as per usual. “she used to be all ugly duckling and stuff, but i guess she’s really—”

he loved satoru, really, he did. but he was going to have to kill him now. death by way of punting him into the burning sun, which the weather happened to be perfect for that day. 

“shut up,” he groaned loudly, smacking him in the chest, perhaps a tiny bit too hard. whatever, he deserved it. “she’s like a sister to me. off limits, dude.”

suguru didn’t even fully believe the words as they left his mouth. what the hell was wrong with him? a sister?? suguru, you’re a sick fuck. that word almost felt dirty to say. he didn’t know what exactly he felt for you, but it certainly wasn’t that.

suguru sneaked another brief look at you. you catch him, giving him a quick wave of your hands, and a small, gentle upturn of your lips. 

he swallows hard. 

had your eyes always shone that bright when you smiled? that tingling feeling in his chest; the urge to envelop you and keep you safe like an overzealous guard dog - had it always been there? or had it crept in gradually - born from too many sleepovers tangled in the same blankets, of sticky fingers and bruised knees at the playground, of countless evenings spent at your family’s house, feeling like he belonged there as much as you did?

he wanted you all to himself, he decided.

you were his best friend, after all.

[liaswills]

Pick a card: A message from your past life self! 🪦🗡

Hello darlings! Today I bring you another pick a card- I felt the need to bring out some messages. The energy today is very much revolving around death- and it's relatively natural relation to life. So today I will bring you a pick a card- with a message of what your past self would tell you! Naturally this is a general message so take whatever resonates. All the love, Elias!

Pick a pile from 1, 2, 3 or 4!

Hello, my dear self. Some day you have wondered who you are- who you should become. But I want you to know that no matter whom you try to be- or whom you'll grow to believe says the right thing- it'll always be me whom you will come back to. I'm not scary. I'm you. I like to brace the horizon- with a smile and breathe in the morning air. I'm a morning person. I used to hunt birds- for food. And... truthfully- my life was never that long. I didn't get to experience my childhood as something I cherished. This is why you're not very good with people. I'm sorry that in this life- you too- struggle with being around crowds. You do- try to. Which is more than I ever did. I was more one with animals- nature- it's why... I never really got to be together with someone. Because I spent my life alone- you might feel like everyone hates you. Or suffer from anxiety everytime you try to make a friend- with your friends- or even the people you try to date or love. I'm sorry that this part of me- lingers- but no matter how it has manifested, it is what I desired most. Sometimes lives are so crowded that you just need one where you're by yourself. I did that already. You don't need to follow my example- because I want for you to flourish and be a butterfly. To do what I haven't. To be brave. To be bold. To dare. Dream. I know you think you're alone sometimes- but you're not! The spirits of all the animals I've taken care of- protect you still! It's amazing how loyal animals are. Yes- even your last pet. I know we have a special connection to animals- I know that we sometimes feel like they understand us- feel our energy- they do- but they won't create a depth in our emotional maturity and balance much like dramatic human relationships do. If you know me- you'd wish to have a life in social circles too. It wasn't fun. And I want to brace you to feel safe. To try and feel joy. To feel happiness. Try and do it when you can. Because that- will help me- and all of us before us. I'll be here to hug you. Because I'm your greatest supporter.

Forgiveness, is what it takes. Forgive me. Forgive yourself. I'm not like you- nothing like you at all. I was vain. And cruel. And unkind. I didn't see what you see. I didn't- I couldn't. I couldn't see how people were able to be the exact same as the other- i couldn't see how every life was worth living. I killed for things. I cheated in life. I climbed the social ladders and I hurt my hands doing so. I really fell. I fell in the end and it was my ending. I didn't have a long life- because when I was found out- everything I worked for, was done for. I wanted to become better. I needed to be a better self. You don't. You don't need to do this. If you continue down this road- if you continue to try and improve- it won't make you happy. It won't make me happy either. I think it's time for us to forgive ourselves. Because sooner than later- we are all that we have. I've known this too late. Very late. You need to start appreciating the things you do have. The money you do have. The family you live with. The country you're in. The name you have been given. Consider it all. You're almost there- you're almost free of this crude self torture. Just one more step- release this attachment. Release your ideas of how things should be. Please allow yourself to just be. To just trust in me. To trust in you. In us. Trust that we can do it. That we can do whatever we set our minds to. You've inherited my determination- don't spoil it with waivering in uneasyness. Don't spoil my end- for your life to be worse than mine. Don't befriend toxic people. Don't walk towards the red flags. I need you to see. See whom you're talking to. See whom you share your mind with. See what you think of without your phone for an hour. I need you to feel yourself- to love yourself- to feel our own world is more than what you think it is and could be. Forgive me- I was never from your world- but I was the you- you needed to become whom you are now. Forgive me. I'm sorry.

We aren't the same gender. I had to start with that. I've led a completely different existence based on my social norms and whom I was raised to become. If you're a fem energy- then I used to embody masculine. And vice versa. You might feel lingering touches of me- in the way that you can embody both energies. I want to say- I'm congratulating you- because I never dared or could. I lived very rigid. In a rigid place where I was expectant to preform a role in life. To be a provider- or a caretaker. I simply obeyed that life. I simply followed the norms. I don't want you to follow any norms other than your own. I fought bravely- I died gloriously- in battle- with a strong heart or perhaps not so strong considering it caved. I loved- I loved big. You inherited this. I loved my friends. My family. I even...loved another whom I couldn't be with. That longing for someone- I owe to you to release. I didn't really got the closure I needed. I didn't really tell this person- that my heart was theirs. And theirs alone. Yes- I've had children. I've done my duty- as was expected of me, but i didn't love my partner the way I loved this star crossed romantic ideal. It was an ideal. I never got to know them personally. It didn't matter. I liked to imagine what they would be like- and somehow that image of them was enough for me. I see you- I feel you, and your life is already so much more vibrant than mine. Thankyou! I truly- honestly, can say thank you. For being authentic- for truly honouring your own feelings. It doesn't matter what you become- or whom you'll chase- in the end, you've already done what you came here to do. For me- anyway. I think you're amazing. And you inspire me- and others, so much. So so so so so much. That truthfully- you should show yourself. To everyone. Haha. It isn't scary- remember your brothers- sisters- whom fought alongside you in the trenches- whom fought with you day and night to remain sovereign- to remain equal- to gain prowess and our voice back. Hang on Soldier- you have a long road to go. It'll be glorious- I can tell you that. From my point of view- your paving the way to a dream. I'll talk to you- in my mind- my world- my time- I talk to myself often actually, haha- but you will sometimes get more from talking to me too. Just... call me a friend you once were. And I'll be a friend to you too. It'll help greatly- I am indebted to you as much. Don't worry if you're not going to do it- I'm just here to give you the inspiration you need to get out there and flourish your shiny little way around the globe.

My funny Valentine.... sweet comic valentine....you make me smile, with my heart. Listen to "My funny valentine" by Chat Baker or Frank Sinatra, because I am giving you this song as I look upon you darling. I know sometimes we don't truly like ourselves. But you don't need to become someone else to love whom you truly are. Because you already do- trust me- the whole of you- all of us- all of your lives- we love you as you are and will continue to do so fiercely. Honestly- we were wild. I was wild. Haha. I was a bit freakishly in love with everyone. Gradually- that changed a little into a more tamed version of loving and being. But you inherited a spark of love for loving. Maybe... still a little unfooted- but, priceless either way. Truly- priceless to see. I know you think some things are scaring you- but they aren't truthful. It isn't real. It's hard to have trust in that but just trust me. Trust you. I am nothing but a charmy and flourishing lovely cottonball. Haha- joking! But we all are a little vixenous sometimes, right? Perhaps you will see me when we go out, that I enter your mind more and you become more me than I become you. Channel the spirit of the sex! Baby! Who did you think you were!? Don't say you're ashamed... I was truly... a heartbreaker but I am kind? That counts for something right. Hmmmm, what to tell you. I haven't really got a message for you. To be honest I think we're currently on our recreational life. Just do whatever you want dearie. I've got no problem with it. But... do tell your mother something like- love you, when you leave. I know! People, right!? Strange creatures. But you will come to know the greatest of people. The biggest. Bestest. Friends. Ever. Haha- woooooo! I am excited already for you. Anyway- lovely for you to think of me- I always imagined myself to be a celebrity in your life so who knows!? Did we.... do it? Oh who knows! Maybe that's just a fantasy. But romantizing life is what we're made for so- go ahead. Think and imagine and write away. Poetry is lovely. I find you adorable. And if you continue- we might find some treasures along the way.

[deadlymistletoe]

Unrequited

Pairing: Thranduil x F!Reader

Request: Anonymous asked: could you write something angsty with thranduil where reader is an elf in his kingdom but they've been friends for a long time and she loves him but never told him cuz she values thier friendship and thinks shes unworthy of him and she's starting to get sick and poisoned from holding the feelings in and he's getting really concerned thinking she might be dying 

A/N: Thank you so much for giving me my first request! I hope I did your idea justice! Sorry it took so long, I wrote most of it before getting writer's block and taking a break before going back to heavily edit it and changing quite a few paragraphs.

Genre: Angst/Romance

Description: Over the years you’d managed to fall in love with your childhood friend, and kept your feelings hidden, terrified of ruining your friendship, but now years of hiding your feelings are catching up to you, making you unwell.

Warnings: None?

Word count: 1408

You had always been close to Thranduil, since birth, practically. Your mother, a trusted elleth who dealt with the important archives in the palace library, had helped tutor Thrandiuil in subjects such as history, and geography at his mother’s request. And seeing as you were too young to be left to your own devices, and your mother already taught you, you became a class of two with the Greenwood Prince. 

It was safe to say not many others could say they’d been as close to the Prince as you were. And they definitely couldn’t say they knew him as well as you. 

As years passed and you got older, you and Thranduil only got closer. You snuck out together, you hid from your parents together, you laughed and played together. You cried together. 

You couldn’t say exactly when it was that your feelings for the Prince changed. Maybe it was when he made you a picnic to have on the balcony to cheer you up after some of the other young elves played a prank on you. Or maybe it was when he held you when you cried at the news of your mother’s death. Maybe it was when he spoke so eagerly on what he’d learnt on his trip to Lorien and you could only focus on the way his eyes lit up.

Maybe it was everything together. The only thing you knew was that you were steadily falling for the Prince.

But after a night spent lying awake, mulling it over, you realized that Thranduil could never know of your feelings.

Thranduil had only ever thought of you as a friend and you had no intentions of ruining that friendship. Even if he did feel the same, there was too much of a risk that it wouldn’t work out and your relationship would never be the same again.

Besides, Thranduil needed someone worthy of him, who could rule beside him when the time came - not an archivist who’d never dealt with politics in her life - not someone like you.

So you buried your feelings as you continued your mother’s work in the library, drawing away from Thranduil ever so slightly.

By the time Thranduil had been crowned King after his fathers death, (a very hard time in which you’d spent hours holding the devastated blond - even more so after his mother left to sail not long after, only waiting long enough to see Orpher laid to rest in the garden and Thranduil take the crown) you’d mastered hiding your feelings, and as the days grew darker and Greenwood slowly transformed into Mirkwood you continued to hide them. 

And it was hard.

And as the days grew colder you could feel the years of holding yourself back, attempting to force yourself not to love him, catching up to you.

You tried to ignore it, pulling away from Thranduil, burying yourself in work, and brushing off any concerns your fellow elves may have with a breezy answer of how the cold must be affecting you.

It was a flimsy excuse, and you knew it. After all, elfs didn’t get sick from the cold like humans did. But it seemed to do the trick for a while at least.

Over the next month, you ignored the way your heart ached as you slowly felt yourself deteriorating. You ate less, forced smiles when you had to, cried yourself to sleep when no one was around to see. 

Your glow was fading.

And Thranduil knew it too. After all, despite the way you’d seemed to pull away from him over the past few years, he was still your best friend, and he could tell that you were hurting, and ill, and who knows what else.

At first, he’d tried to casually bring the topic of you up with your friends, and it eventually came back to him that you were saying it was because of the cold.

The cold didn't affect elves. But other things could… An unusual panic seemed to take over him as his mind ran over the few illnesses that could affect elves. What if you were dying? Was that why you were pulling away from him? You didn’t want him to know?

And so Thranduil left his study with a stubborn resolve to find out exactly what was happening to you.

You looked up from the book you had sitting open in front of you as you stared into space when the library door was opened with enough force that it banged off the wall behind it and the reason your heart was aching stood in front of you, looking far from impressed.

Thranduil was clearly far from happy as he scanned you up and down. His eyes were cold but you could see the concern, a bit of anger and something else you couldn’t make out mixed in.

You furrowed your brows as he stood there in silence. You had to say something, but you couldn’t say his name. It was too hard to be so informal when you weren’t being informal in the way your heart wanted.

“My lord?”

That did it.

“Don’t call me that!” The blond seemed pained by the title as he rebuked you. “After all this time, you're going to start calling me ‘My lord?’”

You didn’t get a chance to say anything as he plowed on. “I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t know why you're pulling away from me, or why you look like you're about to pass out and not wake up!”

You blinked as Thranduil listed off things you’d thought you’d been able to keep hidden from him. Your attention went back to the king as he finished his torrent of words with a sentence, a word, that snapped you out of your daze. “But I need to know, you need to tell me, because I'm your friend, and you’re supposed to be able to come to me when you’re not okay.”

You let your book fall to the floor as you stood up, an unusual display of violence towards a book on your half, and tried to blink back the tears that had begun to push forward. 

Unbeknownst to Thranduil, he had just put your problem into words, but it was too late to leave and pretend his words hadn’t just unintentionally broken your heart into pieces.

Suddenly you didn’t care if he knew. You didn’t care if the whole world knew. After all, he was the one who had said you needed to tell him.

Your heart pushed the rational part of your mind aside as your emotions reared up, ready to make you say words you might live to regret.

You couldn’t stop the words from spilling out, tears finally falling as you finally spoke of your problems to the one who had unintentionally caused them.

“Well that’s just it, isn’t it? I’m your friend, and that’s all I ever will be, although I'd wager not at all after this, when my heart yearns for more, and has done so for longer than you can imagine!”

You ignored the blonde’s shocked expression as the words kept tumbling out.

“You are my problem! You who could never love me the way I love you!”

You broke off as your brain finally caught up to what you were saying, tears still falling from your eyes.

You let out a sob as you realized you’d done what you’d feared, ruining your friendship forever and pushed past Thranduil, who was still frozen in shock at your outburst, and made for the door, fully prepared to gather you things and leave, when a firm hand wrapped around your arm, stopping you from leaving the room.

You shut your eyes in shame as you felt him turn you to face him, a gentle hand lifting your chin, you his breath brushing against your ear as he spoke in a low voice. “My dear Y/N, you have never been more wrong in your life.”

And his lips pressed firmly against yours, one hand still holding your chin, the other on your arm.

And as you melted into the kiss, your mind finally catching up with what was happening, a final tear, this time of relief and happiness fell.

What tomorrow would bring, it didn’t matter. You were content in the moment, and things could only get better with Thranduil by your side, not only as a friend, but as a lover.

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[msfcatlover]

I have been thinking so much about Jean-Paul Valley in my Reverse!Robins AU. Specifically, how he’d react to Steph’s return.

Because, listen: here is a man who had his autonomy stripped from him. Had his identity stripped from him. By the cult his father secretly raised him to serve, while letting Jean-Paul think he was having a normal childhood (and he did. That is one of the things I like about JPV as a character; in the original “Azrael: Fallen Angel” & “Knightfall” stories, he had a perfectly normal childhood… aside from the hypnotic brainwashing implanted while he slept.) This guy who was tricked into murdering several people, when he never, ever wanted that.

He gets saved by the Bats. And they help him. They really, genuinely help him, and sure, Duke & Damian are still teenagers (JPV’s like… 20-22 at this point in my mind,) but they’re also his anchors to reality. Damian, who also was raised to be a weapon by someone he should’ve been able to trust. Damian, who has experience with cults & rebuilding your identity after losing everything. Damian, who’s basically JPV’s “Brainwashed Cult Assassins Anonymous” sponsor. Duke, who also had a normal childhood. Duke, who knows Gotham like only a kid who was raised in its heart can. Duke, who agrees that this whole situation is certifiably fucked, but never hesitates to help Jean-Paul potentially recover a lost memory or find a new one, because it’s not just about who Jean-Paul was before the cult of St Dumas got their hands on him, it’s about remembering that he’s a living human being right now.

They take him in. They save him. They help him save himself. Bruce offers to pay for him to go back to college, for fuck’s sake!

They gave him his life back.

Jean-Paul can never, ever repay them. They tell him they don’t need it, but he wants to and he can’t. He feels so selfish to take & take without giving back, but how do you pay someone back for all that?

So his couch is always open to them, whenever they want. He’ll be their ally, their friend, their confessor, their confidant, their homework editor if need be. And when newer batkids join, well, Jean-Paul would’ve done his best anyway, but the fact he’s entrusted with Duke & Damian’s apprentices is just. It’s something else. And it’s hardly a hardship—the kids are a delight. Obnoxious, sure, and messy, and pushy, and constantly interrupting, and sometimes they break his stuff, and always they eat all his food, but Jean-Paul has more civilian friends now, and they tell him that’s just what kids are like.

What matters is that he loves them. He loves them because Duke & Damian love them, and then he loves them for being them.

And then. Stephanie. Dies. (Because Jean-Paul is broken, he’s a sinner, he can never make up for what he’s done, what he is, and he can never have nice things. Because Steph was sunshine & rage & stubbornness, because she joked that “We blondes have to stick together!” Because no one was there for her when it mattered most. This has to be punishment, right? He got too close, and Steph paid the price.) (His therapist says he’s being irrational again, but it doesn’t feel irrational. They say they need to adjust his medications. Jean-Paul knows better than to trust himself, but he can trust in Bruce to make sure the therapist is safe, so Jean-Paul doesn’t fight it. He’s not happy, but he doesn’t fight it. Because if he starts hallucinating again, he knows it won’t just be his father hovering over him, demanding to know why Azrael refused to avenge them. So yeah, sure, adjust the meds if you think it’s needed—he doesn’t miss Steph that badly. Yet.)

And then. Steph. Comes. Back.

She’s not dead. She’s not dead, but she’s different, she’s so very, very different. Damian says she fights like she spent time with the LoA, that same cult that raised Damian which he’s told Jean-Paul so much about over the years. Training like that takes time, but it’s been 6yrs, and she’s back, risen & gifted back to them! And she’s killing, but Jean-Paul’s killed before, and he’s been kidnapped by a cult before, and he thinks he knows how this goes. Death Mask isn’t Azrael, but he thinks it’s close enough.

And. And. And. He can save her. Because he knows what to do now, after nearly a decade in recovery. He can make up for his sins, he can bring her home again, and maybe, finally, he’ll have finally managed to pay them all back! He can give Steph her self back to make up for—(“You didn’t kill Stephanie,” his therapist reminds him, “you never laid a finger on her. Remember? You didn’t hurt her. It’s not your fault.” But it feels like it is, it feels like it, he can’t shake the idea that he did)—and he can give the Bats their sister back to make up for all that they’ve given him over all this time! A life for a life, and yes! This feels right!

He cooks up scenarios, imagines Steph reaching out in a moment of lucidity, or showing up injured on his doorstep guided by muscle memory, or running into her on the street or in a cafe and the look of alarm & recognition in her eyes as she—like he did, still does occasionally—knows that she knows him but can’t remember. He imagines the conversations they could have, all the different variations, and knows that it will take time, but patience is a virtue and Jean-Paul’s gotten rather good at it. He can be her anchor.

He just needs to figure out how to start.

(And meanwhile, Steph’s on the other side of Gotham like, “Why are my ears burning, and why do I feel like I’m staring down a tsunami-level wave of second-hand embarrassment right now?”)

[wjehfshs]

Ok... captain price secretly having daughter!nurse!reader gets kidnapped by the enemy and the COD characters finding out reader is price daughter after reader is treating their wounds

(lets face it price is a dad that will never let you join the military) anyway hope your doing OK

Your blog is really cool

Stop thank you sm :(

Warnings: Price being an overprotective dad, mentions of violence, swearing, reader gets kidnapped.

Price is definitely the squad dad.

Headcanons:

Price views everyone in the squad as his children but considering your his biological daughter he not so secretly gives you special treatment

The others don’t mind though, they love you and see you as their little sister

Since Gaz is the closest out of the squad to Price he is naturally the closest to you

You call everyone your brother but Gaz is definitely the one you spend the most time with

Before Price was deployed you had a degree as a nurse but could never find a job.

After hearing he would be deployed your heart ached so under the condition that you never go anywhere dangerous and never do anything dangerous, you could be applied and come along. (I have no idea how the army or anything works so if it doesn’t work like this let’s pretend it does)

Whenever someone came back hurt but not bad enough to go to the hospital or home, they would immediately go to you.

You where always so kind to them even when they did something stupid that ended in them getting hurt.

They knew how hard you worked so they always had sure you where taken care of.

The best parts of whatever was served that night was always served to you first.

You always got first picks.

Even if you said you didn’t want to because they needed food considering they’re in the army and training and running all day everyday, they still insisted you went first.

Soap was always the brother to cheer you up, gave the best hugs and always made sure you where happy.

Ghost was the overprotective brother, always making sure you where safe, he would literally take a nuke for you.

Gaz was like your best friend, you could always have fun with him, I mean not to say you didn’t have fun with the others but you and Gaz where like glue.

Graves was the brother you always argued with, you loved him but you always found yourself bickering with him.

Rudy was the kind of brother to throw you over his shoulder but affectionately, even though you didn’t fight he would always teach you how to defend yourself.

Alejandro always cooked for you when he could, he always made you dishes from his childhood that he loved.

When you where kidnapped

The Barracks had been stormed by the enemy, they managed to defend most of them off but unfortunately they managed to catch you.

Afterwards everyone was stressed out of their minds.

Price was pacing back and fourth in the Barracks almost shitting himself.

No one dared to say anything in fear he would yell at them out of stress.

Price ordered everyone get off their ass immediately and go to the enemy’s station.

As soon they got there Price didn’t even bother to be sneaky.

He was LIVID, the thought of them doing anything to you made his heart break and his head hurt.

He was bashing doors down and killing peoples with his bare hands.

To the honest the others where kind of scared of him but just as pissed

When he finally found you he spent no time waiting to shoot the people who grabbed you.

He freed you thankfully finding you where unharmed.

When he got you in his grasp he never let go.

It felt like there was a vice hugging you.

“Oh my beautiful daughter, my beautiful wonderful daughter. You’re safe” he was rambling on with tears in his eyes and you sobbed.

He didn’t let go of you until you got back to the Barracks.

When you got back everyone else held you just as tight just to confirm internally you where safe.

The next month everyone watched you like a hawk.

In conclusion you have the best dad ever and the team is the best family you could ever ask for.

[yallthemwitches]

Final Jily/MWPP Head Canon Post (for now)

Some of which might see the light of day in my fic....who knows!

--In early 7th year when Lily was still not "officially" told about Remus, she used to sneak into James' bed and sleep there until he came back. It was the only time she would do so without permission (she slept there a lot generally but always with him already there), but she knew if she didn't seek him out herself, she wouldn't know if he came back safely or not. James of course wasn't angry about it and Sirius' loved to complain that he never found someone sleeping in his bed.

--Lily was a good singer and really loved to sing along to things or sing around the house. James, loving the Beatles, tried his hand at the guitar and turned out to play pretty decent. Lily loved it when he would make up songs on the spot (which were usually narrations of things happening at that moment.)

-- When Lily and James were publicly "official" they were inseparable and often showing more PDA than should have been accepted for the two head students. This only compounded Snape's hatred for James as everywhere he turned Lily and James were cuddling/snogging/kissing. ( A scene where Snape accidentally witnesses a bit more than snogging might occur in CitW--effectively causing a fight)

--I go back and forth on the now staple community canon that the Heads had their own separate dorms---but at the very least I think they had their own office and bathroom. Lily and James tag teamed making their office extremely decorated with movie/music posters ( Lily had a "Virgin Witch" film poster (1972)* which James loved so much and refused to take down despite McGonnagall not being very enthused by it) , books, a record player, quidditch stuff, and other items that generally interested them. They were widely considered the most "hip" head students in centuries by staff .

the poster:

--Peter was very perturbed by Lily's encroachment on his friend group. Not necessarily taking it to "Yoko" levels, but by the 7th year the marauders interests had shifted away from general merry prank-making and towards the war and ( in James' case) a future with Lily. In some ways Peter blamed Lily for the boys' new found political activism and didn't like the change in the dynamic.

--Turns out Lily loved James' hair despite years of complaining about it. During snogging/sex she would love to pull on it and have her hands through it. In public she would often run her hand through it or absently move bits of his hair out of his face. Seeing that she was so attracted to it, James' teased her endlessly about all the years of nagging she gave him and liked to tease that she was just jealous because she couldn't mess it up herself in those times.

--James stayed over at the Evans' twice:

The first time because Lily invited him over for Petunia's engagement party as moral support. Marge and Vernon's parents were present and upon seeing Lily and James he remarked how "he couldn't wait to see how she would find a way to muck the night up." James, who took that as a personal challenge, spent the evening bringing up the most uncomfortable conversations he could manage ("So Marge, what are your thoughts on Astrology? You look like a Gemini.") then set the home's fire sprinkler system off on purpose when Vernon and Marge were in the sitting room after expecting Lily and Petunia to wash up the dishes. Despite knowing full well what he was doing, Lily couldn't be mad about it and even accepted when James snuck back after saying goodbye so he could come sleep with her.

The second time, was her and James' engagement and things were much easier without the entire Dursley family there. James got to sleep there without secrecy and he was more than happy to rechristen Lily's childhood bed.

-- At Petunia's wedding, Lily was distraught by her sisters choice to leave her out of the wedding party. This only added to the dismal mood as the wedding was extremely boring with no music/dancing/ or general merriment and most people just mulled around.

Attempting to raise Lily's spirits, James charmed an idle record player to play the Beatles Twist and Shout in which he made Lily come dance with him. This caused other people ( who were desperate for something fun) to also start dancing and effectively started a real afterparty. Vernon was not happy, but secretly Petunia was happy to have a bit of liveliness...even if it came from Potter and her sister.

[dawnslight-aegis]

glamour progression! some canonical Looks that Kaede has had over the years, lore and reasonings and whatnot under the cut~

early ARR: just some basic, comfortable traveling clothes. she didn't have a ton of money here, and her fighting style was offensively-focused, rather than defensive. she didn't even use a shield yet.

mid ARR: finally scrounged up some basic armor, but she still prefers the flexibility and mobility afforded by leather over chain or plate.

end of ARR: for the Praetorium assault, she joins as an officer of the Immortal Flames, and wears their uniform. even though it's heavy and bulky and uncomfortable.

post ARR: newly dubbed the Warrior of Light, she still favors Immortal Flame colors, but make it stylish. also helps Gerolt reforge Curtana and the Holy Shield.

early HW: after the Bloody Banquet, but before being admitted to Ishgard, she comes across the corpse of a dark knight dumped outside the city gates and takes up his sword. it's no longer safe to wear anything that associates her with the Flames, so she reverts back to her more gladiator-like style, but with light plate

mid HW: can't very well be walking around Ishgard as a heretic, so it's back to paladin for a while. she finds a full set of really nice (and warm) armor and weapons in The Aery and uses them for a bit, but swaps the sword/shield for a greatsword again in the aftermath of the Vault

end of HW: Sid gave her some armor. please imagine Zephirin's face under where her sword is planted in the ground.

post HW: had a new set of armor made to match the style of the set she found in the Aery, carries the Fortemps shield in Haurchefant's honor

early SB: when Tataru Taru makes you an outfit, you damn well wear it. also this is her RDM training arc, Marz is the main character doing WAR stuff here, Kaede is just here to vibe and help out

mid SB: Kaede doesn't care for Doman fashion in Eorzea, she has a hard enough time convincing people she's not foreign. but when in Othard, do as the Othardians do. oh this is also where she got her horn and tail decor! turns out when you go somewhere with lots of au ra, you can find cute auri accessories. who knew.

end of SB: we liberating Ala Mhigo in full red mage regalia my friends

post SB: it's just a cute witchy look, Kaede didn't do the Mhach raids so idk how she even got this one. I just like it. she spent most of the SB patches in Ishgard so maybe she bought it from Leofard or something. for REALLY late post-SB (aka Ghimlyt Dark) please see "early ShB"

early ShB: puts her rapier away when her friends start dropping and she has to go to actual legit war. opts for some heavier actual plate mail, but you can't fight evil if you ain't cute. also she got that top from the bowels of Orbonne Monastery, and it's reminiscent of her childhood hero, Agrias Oaks, so it's important to her

mid ShB: Kaede has Feelings about Voeburt and how it's basically Ishgard but with au ra, ask her about them some time. anyway she tries to PLD for a while on the First but it starts exacerbating her light poisoning, so it's back to dark knight time

end of ShB: yikes, girl. yikes. anyway Voeburtite+Crystarium gear is a nice cross-section of the places in the First that really spoke to her

post ShB: neo-Ishgardian top, Halonic gauntlets, I think it's safe to say she is homesick, someone let her go home and see her man already

early EW: Sharlayan is...not Kaede's favorite place. she went there straight from Ishgard so she's just wearing some of her normal civilian clothes tbh. if you see her out and about in Ishgard this is probably the kind of thing she's wearing

mid EW: Garlemald is fucking cold and depressing, even when you have a nice heavy coat. while she's here she gets her arm broken and her shoulder dislocated, so she has to do red mage stuff until it heals. I didn't include it here but it's the heirloom casting top+ravel keeper gloves+virtu duelist boots.

end of EW: a return to the iconic look after getting her shield arm fixed by Haurchefant in the Aitiascope. also all her friends died. it's a bad time. Tataru made her some boots though.

post EW: holy shit baby girl finally learned how to heal, it only took almost dying to make her stubborn tank main ass learn. she changed her hair because she's On Vacation rn. also she's engaged! idk where the yorha top came from, I don't consider the nier raids canon lmao. her staff has a chunk of the mothercrystal on it though

[thelaurenshippen]

this is perhaps an exceptionally silly post to make but: it took me 8 and a half entire days (204 hours over 5 years, out of the over 600 hours I’ve logged on this game), but I’ve finally actually completed Red Dead Redemption 2. it is bonkers to me that I have spent so much time in this world and only NOW have I seen the very last teeny bit of dialogue that rounds out the story (iykyk). it speaks to the depth and breadth of the universe that rockstar created (and also the true grinding pain of some of the challenges (those fucking teeny tiny goddamn hunting request birds)) that I was STILL discovering new details in a game I know better than any other.

all these years on, since that fateful day in late 2018 when I bought the game after my friend Jordan spent weeks convincing me I would love it despite not liking westerns (oh the fool I was), I can safely say that this game changed my life. I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, but it was one of the things that dragged me out of one of the worst depressive periods of my life, that provided some relief in one of the worst bouts of insomnia I’ve ever experienced (though probably not doctor recommended lol), and opened my eyes to what storytelling could be on so many levels. I rediscovered a childhood love of console video games that had been dormant for years, got into other pieces of media I never would have tried that led me to truly deep fandom spirals and friendships I couldn’t live without, and inspired me to write a story that is, to date, the story I’ve had the most fun writing in my life.

this is not the end of my time spent in the world of red dead, not by a long shot, but it does feel like a culmination. it was so fun running after this somewhat arbitrary accomplishment (there’s still so much left to do! how!) and a wonderful reminder of how the best art can sustain us forever, even if not all of it has endless challenges to do and herbs to pick. and I hope this post can be a reminder to any artists out there that you never know what your art is going to do. a AAA 100+ hour video game made by hundreds of people can feel like the most intimate story to someone who needs it; a story you write on your own and share with only a few people can open up a world inside someone's head that they'll never stop exploring. a serious contemplation on humanity can be someone's relief; a shoot-em-up action adventure can bring someone peace. you just don't knonw. so always make your art and share it, it will find those who need it most.

[kara-knuckles]

The more I think about Ines's life before she ended up in Kazdel, the more horror-esque my headcanons get.

I don't have a set age for her, but I think she was somewhere in the 10-12 range when Hoederer found her. I also put their meeting to January-February of 1079, which aligns with her 19 years of battle experience and gives me over a year of her life in Leithanien after the Witch King's death to think about.

I think her family were supporters of the Witch King, so they were in trouble once his reign ended and the bloody purge followed. They probably moved around a lot within the next year, until they finally decided to leave the country.

And just imagine how it would feel from little Ines's perspective. The adults in her life probably wouldn't go into too much detail about what was going on, but she could tell something was very wrong thanks to her Arts. And then she started noticing that every time they moved there were more oddities. Perhaps the number of servants around her dwindled over the months. Maybe she brought up some family friend and got a really odd reaction from her parents. What if one night she was awoken and told to just run and to not ask any questions, and she could swear she saw some people in masks on her way to the next safe location.

And all this time she could sense emotions of people around her. She is no mind reader, and I don't think she has a flawless understanding of what she sees in the shadows (on the contrary, I think she would misinterpret some emotions due to her age and inexperience), but she could still tell that there is rising anxiety, that the people who are supposed to take care of her are angry and terrified, and that there is some vague, unseen something that chases them.

And the reason I put her Kazdel misadventures at the start of the year is because I want her last days in Leithanien to be during early December. There is a certain bit of real life Austrian folklore I want to include, namely, the figures of Krampus and Saint Nicholas. I think, on Terra they would be represented by a Sarkaz and a Sankta respectively, and may or may not be a part of pro-Sankta/anti-Sarkaz propaganda.

And, like, little Ines probably never believed in any of the popular childhood characters. She could feel that the people in costumes weren't who they say they were, that Krampus wasn't even played by a real Sarkaz, and that there was no malice when someone would chase the kids to "punish" them. But this was the closest a relatively sheltered child would have for a picture of who Sarkaz were, and this image would be strong due to being one of the last things she experienced in her homeland. And I think it would help her to deal with her attackers. After all, it is easier to hurt someone when they are some fairy tale monsters.

But in reverse it means that she had a harder time reconciling that Sarkaz were indeed people. Ines was likely very sick during her first weeks in Kazdel, and her feverish mind was probably going into different extremes as she was receiving help from the people she saw as inherently evil. One moment she would think "Hoederer is nice, maybe if he covers his ears and doesn't open his mouth he can kinda-sorta pass as a Leithanian", and the next would be "no, no, no he is one of these devils who hurt me, he is an enemy".

And as she would learn to accept the Sarkaz as people, it would strengthen her dysphoria towards her own race. After all, how is she any different from them? She lives under the same roof, eats the same food, shares the same troubles. Back in Leithanien she probably spent most of her time studying things that were mostly useless to her, but in Kazdel life is urgent and from the get-go she was more involved in everything than she ever was before. She was a part of Kazdel and one of its people, so she started trying to be Sarkaz, since this was who she saw herself as.

[the-b-journal]

Lady Miss Detty Episode 1 Truth Talking - The Essay 06 June 2024

Seriously? Another one?

I know, i know. I said i wasn't going to make a tumblr diary but i really sat and thought about it and realized - my friends know nothing about me. I mean sure, they know some things but not the stuff that really makes me me and its not even their fault, its mine.

All because i have this irrational fear that once i start telling other people about my interests (the fictional characters i like, the celebrities i'm currently obsessing over, my favorite artists or band), i'm afraid that they're gonna be taken from me. Logically, i'm aware that that doesn't make any sense. I know that, of course i do. Doesn't make it any less scary though.

So for so long, i just keep them to myself. I was gatekeeping them to my own friends. Don't get me wrong, for a while it's what worked for me. I was happy. I have my own thing. I have things that felt solely mine. But sometimes, when things are hard and i'm going through something rough, i wonder: how much does my friends really know me?

Do they know that i like to eat chocolate ice cream after every meal? Do they know that i'm currently hyper fixating on bread with scrambled eggs on top? If they randomly saw a picture of Rarity from my little pony, will they know that she's my favorite and remember me? Are they aware that i haven't read a straight romance book for roughly 5 years now because straight couples give me hives and i cannot bear to read anything about them?

It's depressing how most of the answers for the questions above are probably No. If i died today, they wouldn't know those things about me because i never told them. For some reason, the idea of my friends barely remembering anything about me when i died scares the shit out of me more than the idea of dying itself. Because how horrible is that??? I spent 21 years on this planet and the most they would probably remember about me is that i'm a tiny bixesual girl with a round face who likes to speak in english and loves barbie. That's it. If they even remember those things at all.

So i have decided that i cannot continue living like that. There has to be at least one person in my life that knows about these stuff. I would die happily knowing that there is at least one person that knows me better than anyone else. Someone who knows the inner workings of my mind, from my favorite childhood shows to my childhood trauma.

And i cannot think of anyone better to be that someone but my friend Angela. I am fully convinced that she is my soul sister because we are practically the same person. She gets me like no one does. I feel safe entrusting these information with her because i know that no matter what, she would never judge me. I mean as long as i'm not doing something outright illegal or immoral, then i know she's got my back. I love her to goddamn death.

Of course i couldn't just dump these information to her because she has a busy life of her own and she has things that gets her feeling lonely and sad too. So i thought that i would just dump these essays here and let her read them in her own time and pace. When she wants to, and not because i forced her to. There is nothing more in this world that i hate than feeling like i'm inconveniencing someone. So, Angela, you can totally not read these. Or just go back to them when you can. No pressure at all!

I think I've poured my heart enough for one sitting. I didn't expect this to be this long to be honest. Who knew i had this much to say? Anyway, i really hope that i will be able to keep this tumblr diary thing. I would be pissed at myself if i didn't. Like, really really pissed.

Mami, if you reached this point, THANK YOU! I love you so much!

Xoxo

[skullhaver]

Im late for the Major Arcana asks, and I want to ask one too many. I'll keep it simple: The Magician for Edric and Aristide, The Empress for Edric and Athren, The Lovers for Ari and Athren. Death in Reverse for whomever!

The Magician: How does your character unleash their creativity or resourcefulness?

Edric - As a magic teacher! I headcanon that after the events of DAO-A, he goes to Antiva City with Zevran. While Zev is embroiled in his efforts to dismantle the Crows, Edric gets curious about new ways to teach young mages how to safely control and explore their powers. He ends up leading an underground mage school, starting with Crow recruit kiddos freed by Zevran. Edric is a patient and warm-hearted teacher who really loves finding new ways to connect with students.

Aristide - Ari has artistic inclinations as both a visual artist/illustrator (they've had to get very good at conveying people's faces for their illusion powers) as well as being a good dancer. In a kinder world, Ari's artistic side is one of their core traits. In a real world/modern AU, I've been toying with the idea of making them a professional dancer--an ensemble performer for touring/off-Broadway type musical productions.

The Empress: Who has been a positive female figure in your character’s life?

Edric - Leliana. During the events of DAO, Leliana was a major emotional sounding board for him. Exhausted by dealing with blunt people like Morrigan, Sten and Oghren; frequently frustrated by Alistair's immature behavior and unexamined self-deprecation; dealing with complex Wynne feelings as his former teacher; and frankly unable to have an emotionally vulnerable conversation with Zevran until Denerim; for all her eccentricities, Leliana helped Edric keep his sanity.

Athren - His mom Intrae has been a mentor and guide for all of his life. His childhood friend and later lover Jinarra frequently challenged him and inspired him. Even the ruthless Waterdeep-Zhentarim Master of Trade and Coin Istrid, he regards as a kind of mentor and possibility model. But tbh for this I really want to say his fellow PC Thia MacDonald 🥺Athren's identity was so tightly wound around being a younger sibling, but his friendship with this weird teen warlock has allowed him to explore new sides of himself: a confident, knowledgeable mentor to someone else, and feeling protective and nurturing.

The Lovers: Which of your character’s relationships has been the most positive? (Romantic or otherwise)

Aristide - the easy answer of course would be their lover, partner, and Crow compañera Renata. She's single-handedly changed the trajectory of their life by helping them doubt some of the brainwashing and abusive ways that their Crow mage teacher has spent the last decade instructing them. With Renata, they have the opportunity to be both vulnerable and strong in ways they have never before experienced, getting to set aside some of the masks they always wear and live more authentically.

Athren - gotta say his fellow PCs, who I tend to refer to as the Trollskull Tavern Crew! For similar reasons to what I said about Thia. The dynamic with them is totally different than anything he's experienced before, and he kind of loves who he gets to be around them/on their behalf: someone confident, ambitious, daring, powerful in a fight, charming, with a wry sense of humor. In some sense, it's who he's always been, but he's really never gotten to manifest that before spending time with them.

Death in Reverse: When has your character tried to fight change?

Looking at my suite of OCs, most of them do not have arcs around trying to fight change. If anything, they tend to instigate change and push for more of it than what they usually get. But they're protagonists, so of course they are subjected to some Inciting Incidents that involve trauma and unwanted change.

Edric didn't want to be a Grey Warden; he ratted out Jowan, why is he getting punished??

Ari was taken in by the Crows as a child following a magical accident where they killed people.

Athren would have preferred to stay in Menzoberranzan rather than flee to the surface followed the failed coup, but he felt his family had no other option.

[haretic]

to: mom

i've been trying to think of what to say for hours. days now. two to be precise. you came in my room and yelled at me for stealing from you again, stealing hair ties, bobby pins, cigarettes. i tried to tell you, if it wasn't yours, it'd be someone elses, and i don't know whats in them. you didn't get it, you didn't understand why i smoked in the first place, didn't understand why i had to be so horrible all the time, why i've been so horrible since i was a kid.

i think if we had a better relationship you wouldn't mind the hair ties and bobby pins. i wouldn't be so stressed. i wouldn't smoke. it would all be alright. but you had already decided who i was long before i even understood what it meant to be a person, and i still don't know how to escape it.

i remember waking up, i was seven or eight, and from then until i was about 11, i would wake up periodically from panic attacks. it would take me hours to go back to sleep. i sat in my bed sobbing and hoping someone would hear me and come see if i was okay, which i spent most of my childhood doing. i was so scared. all you did was come in and scream at me to shut up and go to bed. i had disturbed you. you were mad at me, i couldn't control my emotions and it inconvenienced you. dad came and laid with me until i felt safe enough to sleep again. you never brought it up again. to you it was a vague annoyance, but to me it was everything. you had no idea i had been sexually assaulted my whole childhood, no idea how bad the bullying had gotten, no idea about being suicidal at 7.

thats a lie, you knew. you saw it in my behaviours, you saw it in what i searched on the ipad you monitored, you told me to stop looking those things up and stopped digging deeper. to you it was all just an inconvenience, to me it was my whole life. my formative years. i spent it all gauging how you would react to me displaying emotions, wishing i could be better for you, that you would put in any amount of effort to understand me, but you refused to every. time. you ignored every important sign, the self harm, drinking, smoking, staying out or up late, being constantly tired, constantly fighting at school, with you. you didn't care about the root cause of it all, you only cared about the symptoms. like a tree, you tried to cut my issues down by chopping out the branches instead of bringing and axe to the stump. you could've, at any time, but you were convinced i didn't need help, that i just needed to try harder, that i liked being the way i was. who would like that?

you had already made up your mind, and there was nothing i could do to change it. and it confused me. so i sat on the sidewalk at midnight on my way to a friends house and i smoked the cigarettes i had stolen from you. i had asked you to say goodbye to me before i left that night, you said you didn't want to, and you didn't understand why i had to go. i told you i just had to. you didn't want to understand that to me, it was more than just a spat over me stealing your cigarettes. you made it clear i would never be who you wanted me to be, and that i would always be the horrible person you've thought i was since before i could remember. i couldn't be in our house when you thought those things. i needed to get out before i drowned in it, and you had no idea. like a willing ignorance, you forgot every thing that you'd ever done that changed my brain chemistry, that altered the path my life would take in my childhood. you begged me to tell you why i acted like this, but you never listened to the answer, so i stopped trying.

it feels suffocating sometimes, knowing what you think of me, but still reaching out to you. i try so hard to get your attention, to get you to care about me, even remotely, but you always shut it down. i text you when i'm at school, when i'm anxious, or when i'm bored, just for some reassurance that you want to be my mom, that you care for me, but you don't. you shut me down, all the time. you shut me out, and then you ask me why we don't have a good relationship but i keep begging. it gets to a pathetic point. i just wanted you to be my mom, and to care about me, but for some reason you rejected me every chance you got. it was easily fixable.

you told me last night you didn't think we would last like this, but we've been lasting like this for nearly two decades now, i'm just tired of putting in the effort. i can't change your mind, and i'm done trying. i'm whatever you say i am. i don't deserve anything i have and i won't make it in my life. thats fine with me. you say i can't move out, that i'm too immature for that, when i act like this around you, but the thing is that its only around you. i act like this around you. you're my mother, and you've never mothered me, and i still want you to before i move out. i'll be too old to be mothered soon and i want you to try to care before its too late, but you just don't.

i wish i could go back in time and try it all over again. maybe i didn't try hard enough to change your mind about me. i was young, but i could've done more to get you to like me. i wish i had. i wish i had my mom, unconditionally. not overshadowed by all the evil you think i bring into the world. i wish you would love me before i'm gone.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

No specific tws, looking for comfort

Deep down I'm terrified of dying alone, but I'm pretty sure that's how I'll end up.

Not only have I never had a stable relationship that lasted over 3 months, but I've lost almost every friend in my life I've known for over two years. I'm horribly unstable, codependent, feel alone and unwanted no matter how much love and attention I'm given, have constant episodes, I'm terrified of commitment. I expect too much from the people around me, I don't know how to take care of myself so It's like I expect others to do that for me. I don't know how to love, I never learned to love. I know I do feel love but I don't know how to show it in a normal human way. I lash out at the ones I care about completely accidentally. Then I beat myself up over it, feel like an asshole, and sabotage everything by distancing myself. Or, if they leave because of my behavior I'll never forgive myself years later.

I'm not liked in high school, I was NEVER liked in middle school or kindergarten. I was aways treated like I'm inhuman (by the other kids, the teachers like me for some reason) and I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me. I've had only one childhood friend who left me after an 8 year long friendship because they got so sick of me.

I bring it down to just being neurodivergency and trauma but it's so so incredibly alienating to live like this.

I don't know how to function in a friendship or relationship because I was never taught to. I've never had the chance to learn because I was always so alone.

I'm so terrified.

Alright anon. You're not going to like my main point here, but I'm going to be real with you.

Before the main point, here are some brief other things I want to say.

1) Therapy. Consider it if possible. Be open with your parent(s) about how you're feeling, and what you need (assuming it is safe to do so). Many therapists offer pro bono to those who can't afford it. Having someone to talk to and lean on can go a long way. They could also help you with social or relationship skills, trauma, or other things you feel you struggle with.

2) Some people aren't meant to stay. Some people are meant to help you grow, or to push you onto a new path, and leave when their job is done. That's okay. Not everyone can stay in your life forever. Learn to let them go when it's time.

Now to the main point which you may not like so much.

You're young. There is so much time to make connections. High school connections very rarely last. I could count on one hand the amount of people I know who have sustained true deep connections from high school.

I know that feeling alone is suffocating, and I know that it hurts to be left out. But I promise you, anon, that you will have so many more opportunities to establish connections as you live out the rest of your life.

With adulthood comes real world experiences, comes autonomy, comes finding your own people outside of from pre-designated pools of people from about four places you go, at least half of which are mandatory. There is so much to life beyond high school.

If I may get a tiny bit personal here, I wasn't exactly Mister Popular in high school either. I had one good friend, and even she spent about half of her time with her other, much larger group of friends. I spent most of my time by myself, buried in depression, dealing with my own shit all alone. And it sucked. I left high school feeling completely hopeless and lost and alone. Then came college. I met so many people, and I had the full autonomy to decide who I let into my life and who I didn't. I got to decide where I spent my time. I got to look up places I wanted to go, organisations I wanted to be involved in, extracurriculars with people that had similar interests, and I got to learn more about myself than I ever did in high school, and I made many more connections. But even then, many didn't last. A little later on, I met my now-spouse, and honestly, I didn't ever think we would date, nonetheless be married. Now, as an adult with a spouse, two children, and a whole life ahead of me... it's insane to think that I ever truly believed I would die alone or unhappy or unloved.

Give it time, anon. Life will give you what you put into it. Give it patience, give it grace, give it time, give it hope. Put yourself out there when you feel it. Tell that person they have a really cool backpack. Compliment that one guy's really awesome haircut. Express how much you like the show or band that person is wearing merch of. Look into local groups of people like you and make an effort to go. For me, it was an lgbtq youth center as a gay college student, and a really funky neurodivergent D&D group as an adult. Maybe those are things that suit you too, or maybe it's a local art class, or a skate park. Who knows. But if you keep following yourself, if you keep going places you want to, doing what you love... you'll meet people who love that stuff just as much as you do. And I'm sure that some of those people will stick around for a while.

You'll be okay, anon. I believe in you.

~ Mod Night

[runawaysiren940]

Sometimes the things that TRAs say are so unbelievably incorrect that I don’t even have the energy to fight against it. I know it is wrong but sometimes I truly feel like it won’t change and that I should just give in before my friends cut me off for being “transphobic.” I don’t even wish any harm to trans identified people, I just need people to see and understand the holes in their logic. But every time I’ve tried to debate with one of them, all they do is twist my words so far from their original meaning that they are literally just making things up to be mad about and lumping me in with the conservatives. Why is it so hard to fight stupidity? God, it’s so tiring. I don’t know how you do it, Siren. You must be among the strongest of us all

I got lucky, I think, in that I've always had a small friend group, and one which I was close enough to that I was given the benefit of the doubt when I brought up these topics. That isn't to say I haven't lost friends over this.

One of the girls I was friends with in high school 'broke up' with me for pointing out the homophobia of straight people calling themselves gay because they identified as nonbinary. But in that instance, it was no great loss. Over the years, I've realized that even in supposedly safe 'gay friendly' places, most of the people there weren't gay. They weren't even allies. Not a single one ever dated a person of the same sex, and it all made sense, looking back, that I always felt so different and alone, even in spaces where I was supposed to be with like-minded people.

When I got to college, I finally had the freedom to date openly, and I essentially went out whenever someone asked. And from that experience, I only ever went out with one actual lesbian- and she later identified as trans and told me that feminism was transphobic. The others were a mix of women who liked the aesthetic of being WLW, but didn't actually want to touch another woman, women who were bisexual and wanted a side chick/throuple/non-monogamous situations, or men who lied and were able to portray themselves as women online.

In the end, I've found friends and a community where I can speak freely. I've met many people I've connected with through my channel or discord irl. I've formed genuine friendships, and even dated women I've met on this basis, and beyond that- one of my oldest friends remains my friend, and agrees with me on these issues, because he knows me, and would never assume the worst (that I was hateful for no reason, or wanted to be bigoted, etc) when I mention something that goes against popular opinion. It's easier to me, to not have to hide what I believe, or implicitly support misogynistic or homophobic ideas, just to maintain friendships, especially since I would expect any true friend to not abandon me for a difference of opinion (and one which is factually supported anyhow).

And I guess, beyond all of that, I've always been a vocal person. My dad is the trump supporting, misogynistic, racist stereotype many people think of in these issues, and I spent my whole childhood debating with him on similar topics. Not everyone is up to it, but it's what I know how to to, I guess.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Do you think Mortal Dai and Sakumo may have had some interesting conversations before Dai passed in GOS?

Like I can almost imagine in the first life time, while Sakumo is around, overseeing the tribe's"advancement" and turning into a proper village, and watching Kakashi play with Gai, Dai looks over too and can see the concern etched into the god's face and is like "I'm sorry in advance for the pain we cause."

And Sakuno is like "What? You didn't well- couldn't hurt us. Why would you say that?"

And Dai just looks at him with such sincerity and says "Because we're mortal. They haven't realized it yet but.. I know you have already lost someone. And I'm sorry we'll leave you and your son in turn."

Just such an interesting and respectful, yet kind dynamic the two could have shared as two concerned fathers, who knew and could forsee certain events while their kids played on oblivious to how short their time together was. But Dai thinking the relationships are worth forstering, and Sakumo dealing with the grief of losing the love of his life and having to carry that pain...but in that grief he had also gained two sons, he didn't want Kakashi to deal that same pain he had to go through but knows that in the end, its inevitable.

Then over a 1000 years later, he sees the ecentric King Dai, and his youthful philosophy! And one of the few rulers who took him on as his patron god! I could see Dai being a very involved king, who despite being a royal, prefered to talk with the common people and attend events/ meetings and talk with the village/kingdom directly, instead of rule above them. I could even see when times got tough, him opening the doors of his palace and inviting the masses in and finding as much space for everyone as he could, rather than keep them out and preserve resources for himself. Even if it put him in danger (which I'm sure it must have occasionally.)

I wonder if they ever talked again while Dai was king. I wonder if Dai prayed to him and asked for guidance when he heard about Gai and his "make believe" friend Kakashi. He's like "I know my son is not delusional. I'm not sure who is talking to my son but I only hope their presence is benevolent. Maybe you can pop in and check on it if you're not too busy? I'm sure this "Kakashi" is related to your girl (he didn't know Kakashi was trans yet) in some way."

Though I thinknl it would be really cool, if they gained a REAL friendship after Dai died. And if Sakumo might be the one who visits him the most as a star. Maybe he gets some fatherly advice to help bond with his sons, or they just talk and gossip about the dynamic between their boys and the reincarnation relationship. They probably consider themselves in laws LONG before the marriage in the mortal life time, and Dai may be the ONLY person Sakumo tells when he finds his son is mortal and where he is.

Sakumo going to dai and telling him all about how he found his son, and crying because he really thought he’d lost Kakashi but his son is just out there living his best life with the mortal he has fallen in love with time and time again 😭😭😭

Dai is such a good dad too so he’s happy to offer advice.

Oh, and i can totally see Sakumo appearing to king dai after he hears that prayer and assuring him that ‘Kakashi’ is perfectly safe and will never do anything to harm Gai. Promising that the friend that the prince will not stop talking about is good and kind.

Dai getting to meet the god of the lost in a second lifetime and immediately connecting with him all over again. Perhaps the reason he instals him as one of the main gods of the village is because in his childhood he always felt lost and lost a lot to war or famine and his response to all of those loses is kindness. Protecting his people in any way that he can.

Sakumo appearing as a mortal during a terrible storm caused by Kakashi having a bad argument with Obito and going to sulk in that old mountaintop cave where he spent so much time with Gai in his past life. Helping to hand out bedding and making sure that if someone is sick or in need of attention they get help right away.